Yesterday I received a lot of email from fans who felt I had been reticent in my duties as a nerd. Gary Gygax was dead and I had not posted one God damned word about it. Emails were getting more and more upset as the day went on, so simply to quiet the masses, I forced out a post. Shortly afterwards, I received some email from people who felt that my tribute was less than flattering. It was more a tribute to my dad or Jeff Dee than Gary. And why bring up that people considered Gary an egomaniac? Many accused me of being less than sincere.

Well, yeah. I was.

It’s not that Mr. Gygax passing isn’t sad. It’s certainly sad when anyone dies. It’s just that despite everyone’s obvious connection to Dungeons and Dragons, I never felt a connection to Gary Gygax. For most to the time I played Dungeons and Dragons, I had no idea who Gary Gygax was. Of course, once you get older, it’s impossible not to know, especially when you travel in the nerd-centric circles I do. But being TOLD how important someone is, doesn’t mean that you appreciate it. I’m sorry that I was ignorant to that growing up. I’m not sure how to change that or what my penance should be.

I was told, way after the fact, how important Jack Kirby was to comics. I grew up appreciating the art of the people HE inspired, but it wasn’t until many years later that I came to appreciate the work of Jack Kirby myself and only then did I feel any real connection to his work.

For me, Dungeons and Dragons was about my Dad and my friends…not about the authors of the modules we were running without any real true understanding of the rules. It was a legitimate excuse to hang on to the game of “let’s pretend” well beyond the appropriate age. It was an entry point for making our own stories with pictures. For me, it was my entry into making my own comic books.

Is it so wrong that I don’t feel a connection to Gary Gygax? That I don’t feel compelled to draw an Elven Ranger with his hand held across his hearts or an Owl bear with a single tear rolling down his left cheek? I just don’t feel compelled to do that. I’m sorry.

I understand that it’s important to a lot of you guys. I get it. I really do. And I want to respect that. D&D is important to me too. But if I force out some insincerity on your behalf, is that really doing you or Gary Gygax and service?

Sometimes, a moment of silence suffices.