I feel like I’m turning this really scary corner in my life. Both professionally and personally. I’m packing up my corners of the house into a Uhaul trailer, hitching it to my Dodge and leaving Dallas for (hopefully) the rest of my life next Wednesday.
I leave behind my Father, Brother and my wife and dogs. Angela has worked at E&J Gallo for over a decade and a recent promotion means she can keep her job and move to Seattle. It also means she must stay behind until the end of the summer to train and tie up loose ends.
Everybody sees me as some kind of god damn visionary. I got interviewed at C2E2 by three different people and each one of them started off by introducing me as “The Pioneer of Webcomics.” I’m not a pioneer. I didn’t even know what Webcomics were in 1998. It’s not like I had some grand plan. Things unfolded in front of me as they have and I’ve made calculated risks along the way. Luckily things have panned out (so far).
I’ve never been this scared about a decision since I quit my day job in 2000. That’s a good thing though. This is the good kind of fear. The kind of fear that moves you forward. The kind of fear that keeps you from remaining stagnant and dying on the vine.
“Try to stay calm, Benny.”
“No! I’m tired of being calm. Calm never got me a damned thing.”
Looking back at my “career” I see a direct correlation between things slowing down and my life getting complacent. Getting comfortable. And when things move forward are times in my life when I remember being a little bit afraid and out of my comfort zone.
I have friends and colleagues telling me that just working every day inside the creative environment I’m heading into will be worth the move alone. It’s something I’ve always wanted since I started cartooning.
Growing up, my friends always said to me “I wish I had a family like the ones on TV. The Cosbys or the Bradys.” Well, I never wanted that. I already HAD that. My parents were like the Cosbys. It’s pathetic, but my family-life was so ideal that I always took it for granted. I always assumed everyone had that.
See, what I was always envious of was that elusive SECOND family. The family made up of friends. Friends were MUCH harder for me to come by. I wanted that tight group of friends that you called family. Like Kirk and Spock and Bones, and WKRP, Nightcourt and Newsradio. That’s what I wished for. I had it a bit in college, but then we all moved on and I never really got it back. And this move to Seattle is so exciting because I think that’s what I’m moving right up into.
I think the hardest thing I’m about to face is leaving behind my brother.
Brian and I have been best friends since he was born. Literally since he was born. We’ve never lived more than 40 minutes apart from each other. Sure there were a couple years here and there where we didn’t see much of each other. But honestly, I can’t remember a chapter of my life that Brian wasn’t an integral part of. I’m not sure how to reconcile Seattle without Brian. Hopefully between cell phones, instant messenger and Skype, we can close the distance about to be thrust between us. But it’s not going to be easy.
I got one more week of packing. Then a couple days of traveling and settling in. I appreciate you guys putting up with guest strips until then. Not that the guest strips are bad (they have been really awesome this go around, actually), but I know you guys come here to see my work. And after a while, guest strips get old anywhere.
I have a feeling that once I’m in Seattle, I’ll temper missing my family by burying myself in work. Which is great for you guys I guess. I’ll make up for my absence, I promise.
You guys have been along for this whole ride too, you know. In a way, you made this move possible. You make all this possible.
I can’t thank you enough for it.
